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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578254">the love of your life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypebeayst/pseuds/hypebeayst'>hypebeayst</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>when we shine bright [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>00z best friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Please read notes, give me jaemyang just pls, jaemin live alone, jaemyang cant get their hands off from each other, just in case, make out, other members are mentioned, other ships will be hinted in this story, semi public make out, soccer player yangyang, speed skater Jaemin, tw for trouble breathing, what else should i tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:41:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypebeayst/pseuds/hypebeayst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Marriage, not marriage only, relationship is nothing without trust and communication,” Jeno added.</p><p>Jaemin curves a smile, “You sure learned your mistake.”</p><p>or</p><p>Jaemin need to pull all of his shits together for the sake of his relationship with Yangyang.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Liu Yang Yang/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>when we shine bright [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the love of your life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>welcome to this crap. there are lists you all need to know:</p><p>1. english is not my first language, i let google did the beta-ed<br/>2. all of the events in this fic is fictional, including their personalities<br/>3. i try to researched about how speed skating really works, pls bare with me<br/>4. tw for people who has trouble in breathing, just in case<br/>5. consider this is a gift for myself or for you all bc nct2020 is really happening<br/>6. title from 21 by gracie abrams</p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaemin is a regular speed-skate athlete. He also did figure skating and did several tricks even though it wasn’t that good. Jaemin also can play ice hockey, this too, not so good. He’s just like being on the ice, thin layer ice, producing screeching noises until it makes his own ears hurt. Apart from that, Jaemin also likes the after practice part.</p><p> </p><p>Closing his locker door, Jaemin tries to organize his belongings from his bag once again. Receiving another pat on his back from one of his teammates, said in today’s practice he did good. Jaemin gave him a smile and nodded, rushing through the place’s main gate. From where he stands, he immediately finds a familiar face with its body figure leaning to a car.</p><p> </p><p>This is the after practice part that he likes.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin walks towards the guy, giving him a small smirk, “Whose car you stole now?” he asked while putting both of his hands on the latter’s shoulder. The latter chuckles, putting both of his hands on Jaemin’s waist, pulling him closer to his body. “This is Kun’s, he stays in his office longer than I expected and no, I did not steal it. He lent it to me,” hearing the excuse, Jaemin replied with a scoff.</p><p> </p><p>But, it wasn’t that bad.</p><p> </p><p>“You should stop spending money for your Hot Wheels collection and start saving to buy your own real car, Yangyang.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you love my collections!”</p><p> </p><p>He surely does love the boy’s Hot Wheels collections. If he can pick a trait from Yangyang that really shows his intelligence, he will choose how he organizes his toy cars. Other than that? No, Yangyang is a mess. Jaemin would hum along when Yangyang is busy with his own world, playing with the end of his dark hair, sometimes massaging his scalp because he often gets a headache after getting into a dark hole like majoring in Physics.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin is too deep diving with his own thoughts, which Yangyang involves, and doesn’t realize he’s been ignoring his boyfriend’s rants.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” Jaemin looked up to him, “Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang smiled, drawing a circle on Jaemin’s waist, “How was practice?” Jaemin replied with a shrug from his shoulder, “Practice went fine of course. I didn’t fall, that’s a first. Stop, don’t interrupt me, I’m a professional. You know I shouldn’t fall.” Jaemin tries to stop every way that makes Yangyang possible to tease him with <em> you-sure-you-are-an-athlete? </em>thing because he saw Jaemin fell once on the ice and it was on their first date. Since that day, Yangyang would never not stop telling the others about this story, because people usually know about Na Jaemin being a weird introverted student who prefers to skate rather than socialize.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank God you didn’t fall today,” Yangyang showed his wide smile before nuzzling his face on Jaemin's neck. Inhaling his scent, it tastes like peach blossom, the best part of whatever they are is this one Yangyang thinks. He can cross the line to this border, where he freely breathes Jaemin’s everyday scent compared to the others. His hands start moving towards the latter’s abdomen, caressing the hidden abs from its outside campus varsity.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin knows Yangyang and he knows what his boyfriend wants.</p><p> </p><p>“Sheep,” a nickname that Jaemin always used to get Yangyang’s attention. It works eventually, because Yangyang pulls his head from Jaemin’s neck before he can start kissing his jaw. Jaemin cradle Yangyang’s face with both of his hands, looking straight through his eyes. If Jaemin can dramatize a scene, maybe he can make a presentation about how he could see a bunch of stars from only looking into Yangyang’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>God, he is so whipped.</p><p> </p><p>“Want to go somewhere more private?” Jaemin is sure he can see his boyfriend’s smile getting wider before he nods. Yangyang is still playing with the tip of his campus varsity, fiddling the material on his fingers. He always does this if he feels nervous to say something towards Jaemin and Jaemin can read Yangyang like an open book. Because he is one of the people who can enter Yangyang’s life easily, it feels like you’ve given VIP access.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nudges Yangyang’s chin with his finger, “What’s wrong, sheep?”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang exchales and starts to build his confidence again. “Okay, so actually you know my regular practice’s schedule, right?” Jaemin nods to answer his boyfriend’s question, then Yangyang continues. “You’ve stopped coming to my practice after our second date and now it’s been two months since that day. I know it’s ridiculous to ask you just to see me play but, I’ve been standing here waiting for you to come out since God knows when.” He can feel Jaemin tensed up after hearing his wish and immediately apologize mentally to him.</p><p> </p><p>Before Jaemin can reply, Yangyang straightens up his body, “No, no. That was stupid. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like to get crowded that much. You’ve barely known my teammates, you just know Kunhang from my department who technically dating Dejun whose friend is Mark who is in our circle because of his feud with Donghyuck long time ago. I get it, that was stupid and I’m sorry.” Yangyang looks up to see how Jaemin’s reaction, he’s so scared that he made his boyfriend mad or even dead-ass furious. He really knows how strict Jaemin is with his own safe zone and Yangyang would never cross that zone.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of getting mad, Jaemin caress Yangyang’s dark hair and start massaging his scalp. Looking at Yangyang closing his eyes, start relaxing after thinking too much from what he just said. Jaemin trusts his boyfriend to a level that he knows Yangyang won’t ever bother his safe zone, which is just cuddling in his room and playing games. Jaemin prefers to do what he truly desires, like skating or playing games or have a picnic with his close friends near the campus main gate.</p><p> </p><p>But knowing how serious about what Yangyang just said, maybe Jaemin already sat comfortably in his safe zone for a long time. He needs to step out from his zone, even for a little bit, maybe for Yangyang. He feels sad because of how he acts around people and makes Yangyang think he would never see him play again. Little did Yangyang know that Jaemin will be in front of the bleacher when he steps on the soccer field again soon.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re thinking too much, Yang,” Jaemin says softly while still massaging Yangyang’s scalp. The other boy replies with a pout and Jaemin widens his smile, he kisses the corner of Yangyang’s lips, “I will be there. Text me when it’s going to start.” Hearing what Jaemin just said, Yangyang widened his eyes, “Are you serious?” Jaemin chuckles because Yangyang’s hands are all over his body, making sure that he’s not kidding. “You will be there from the start? Because no, you should come after it ends, like I always did to you,” Yangyang says to Jaemin but Jaemin shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>A soft smile curves on his lips, looking at Yangyang’s dark brown eyes, “It’s okay. Maybe I will drag someone with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang looks like he’s deep in his own thoughts, “Jeno will willingly get dragged by you.” Jaemin laughs after hearing what he just recommended and nods, “Yeah, Jeno will do it willingly.” Before saying anything else, the boy who was born in October immediately kisses him passionately, licking Jaemin’s mouth while grasping his waist like his life depends on it. Jaemin, of course, willingly gives his life on their passionate kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin finally pulls his head to the back, giving Yangyang permission to leave several kisses on his neck. In a split second, he forgot that they were still standing at the skate rink’s parking lot. He needs to tell Yangyang that they can continue, or do more, at another place but Yangyang is already sucking his pulse that places on his neck. Himself can’t stand the pleasure Yangyang gave and let out a sigh, a tiny little moan.</p><p> </p><p>Their activity stops when they hear a car honk from the main road, telling them that they are still standing at a public place. Jaemin left breathless while Yangyang kissed his boyfriend’s jaw one last time before asking the same question Jaemin asked before, “Want to go somewhere more private?”</p><p> </p><p>“Idiot.” Jaemin chuckles and Yangyang laughs, he kisses Jaemin once again on the lips before opening the front door for him.</p><p> </p><p>They went to Jaemin’s place and let’s say Yangyang stayed there longer than he expected.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Summer should be fun. Well fun defined by Na Jaemin is sleep through weeks after weeks, playing games, ignoring chores, anything beside showing up to his campus. Summer should be staying in his house or his place where he spends more time there rather than at his parents house. The last time he checked his academic calendar, he had a few weeks holiday because of an event called ‘Summer’.</p><p> </p><p>Then why did his campus choose to hold a sports festival in summer?</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on Nana! You should come!” Jeno has been standing near his best friend's figure for 15 minutes. He knows that Jaemin really hates it if someone bothers him, especially in this occasion where he came just to drag Jaemin’s ass to where the sports festival was being held. Jeno sighs loudly before continuing tugging the other boy’s dangling hand, “Everyone is waiting, it’s just a soccer match! I promise you will be with your close friends, only for today. I know it's a holiday and I know you are in a very comfortable position now but you should come out of this room for once!”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin groans against his pillow. He really wants to kick Jeno out from his room, but his best friend willingly comes to his place just to drag his ass and attend a so-called-important soccer match. His sight is now looking towards where Jeno was standing, both hands still grabbing his dangling hand. This time Jaemin is the one who lets out a sigh, a defeat sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me change my clothes first.” Jeno beams him a wide smile, “I’ll wait outside! Don’t wear something that’s going to make you sweat!” and he’s gone like the speed of light. Jaemin walked towards where his wardrobe was placed, looking at his own clothes with what just Jeno said roaming around inside his head. <em> Oh fuck it, </em>Jaemin thinks and end up choosing an orange hoodie and a jeans.</p><p> </p><p>Jeno didn’t make any comments when he saw what Jaemin chose to wear. Instead of commenting, Jeno gave him a thumbs up before screaming about where the hell is his bike. Jaemin’s mouth shows an ‘O’ shape, he just realizes by now that Jeno really cycled to his place. “Damn you and your hobby,” Jaemin curses and walks back towards his place again, leaving Jeno laughing until his stomach hurts.</p><p> </p><p>They end up cycling through Seoul’s road until Jaemin can see his campus main gate. Both of the boys rushed to where the soccer match was going to be held. Jaemin parks his bike, so does Jeno, and walk to one of the bleachers that places on the right after they went in through the stadium gate. Jaemin can see his friends already sitting in their perspective place, Donghyuck pats an empty spot beside him and shoves Jeno from his sight because that seat belongs to Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>“It's old news, Jeno. Man up and start sitting beside Renjun,” Donghyuck starts an argument with the boy.</p><p> </p><p>Before Jeno opened his mouth to reply with a protest, Renjun cut him off, “It’s fine, you can sit beside me. Just like Donghyuck said, it's old news.” A smile curves on the chinese boy’s lips, even though it doesn’t reach his eyes like usual. With that, Jeno can’t argue anymore and sit beside his ex.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin said hi to Shotaro too who sits on Renjun’s left side, he knows that about Renjun and Jeno’s past issue makes the japanese guy feel left out. Because of that, he always tries to make sure Shotaro won’t feel like that again.</p><p> </p><p>“You really need to do that?” Jaemin asks Donghyuck after he sits down.</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck shrugs his shoulders while Jaemin scoffs, “You should do that to Mark too.” And by that, he got a slap on his left arm from Donghyuck, “Shut up and enjoy the match, dipshit.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t even know who’s against who!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s your own department, dumbass.” Jaemin looked at the scoreboard and it was written with ‘PHYSICS VS MECHANICAL ENGINEERING’ on it. “Jungwoo is playing and Yukhei told us to come and cheer him up, you know how nervous he is. That’s why Jeno came to drag your ass here because he needs us, whether he will win or not,” said Donghyuck, trying to slap any sense to his best friend.</p><p> </p><p>After Donghyuck’s explanation comes to an end, the match is finally begun. While his friends start screaming, cheering on Mechanical Engineering troops, Jaemin tries to find where his senior (Jungwoo) is standing. As long as he knows, Physics doesn’t have that many good soccer players. People in his classes often say about the rivalry in this soccer world, Jaemin doesn’t give a shit because it’s not his place.</p><p> </p><p>The match starts with a referee’s whistle, scream after screams come out from each bleacher. From where he can judge, the match is kind of intense. Proving that he was wrong because Physics does have good soccer players.</p><p> </p><p>A tap on his shoulder makes Jaemin turn his head, only to find another senior from another major. “Who’s the person that dragged you here on summer holiday?” the latter asked him and Jaemin replied with shrugs, pointing to where Jeno is standing while screaming his lungs out. “Let me guess, Jungwoo’s playing?” Jaemin nods, “Yukhei also dragged me, even though Kunhang is on the other side.”</p><p> </p><p>Hearing the other boy’s name, Jaemin looked at the field, try to search for the boy whose name is Kunhang.</p><p> </p><p>“Kunhang is the Physics mascot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” Jaemin feels stupid, <em> of course. </em>“You’re dating a mascot now, Dejun?”</p><p> </p><p>Dejun, the person who tapped his shoulder earlier, let out a chuckle. “Kunhang is not a soccer person if you want to know. He’s here because he loves to boost up his crowd, same like the way he always does when he plays basketball,” Dejun answered with a smile beaming from his lips. His eyes are locked to where Kunhang, wearing the Physics mascot costume, pacing left and right try to boost the Physics’ bleacher with his scream. Jaemin can see the fondness from Dejun’s gaze towards Kunhang.</p><p> </p><p>“But you’re here, not there standing with your boyfriend’s friends,” says Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>“Yukhei said that Kunhang can handle Yangyang alone and he needs an extra person,” Dejun look at Jaemin’s friends for a second, “i mean extra people, to bring Jungwoo’s mood back to normal if he ends up losing today.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin’s eyes blink once. No, not because of the amount of people that Yukhei needs. He asked Dejun again, trying to make sure what he just heard, “Kunhang can handle who alone?” The chinese student looked up to Jaemin and answered, “Yangyang. You don’t know him?” Jaemin found himself shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nope, never heard of him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, make sense. He hung out with your friends a couple of times.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He did what? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“My friends?” Jaemin pointed to his friends who are still screaming. Dejun nods, “Yangyang is the same age as you, Physics major, he’s playing now.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin let out a scoff, looking at his friends one more time before turning to find this Yangyang guy on the field. The match is now showing a penalty shootout for Physics, he can hear Kunhang’s encouragement scream even though the guy was wearing a custom. His eyes immediately landed on to the shooter, standing a few meters apart from where the goalkeeper was standing. The reason why his eyes landed on him was because he saw the shooter’s back.</p><p> </p><p>24, Liu Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>The referee blows his whistle and Yangyang shoots. The ball went to the left side but it got hit by the pole, so it turned back to the right and made a goal.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin’s eyes went wide.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>How familiar this feeling is.</p><p> </p><p>“NOOOOO! YANGYAAAANG! I FORGOT YANGYANG WAS GOING TO PLAY!” Donghyuck groans beside Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin is still looking towards Yangyang who’s now got hugged by his teammates. He surely saw Kunhang, still with his custom, also hugged Yangyang and even gave him a kiss. Yangyang immediately pushed him away and ran back to the field. Jaemin doesn’t realize his mouth is gaping if Dejun didn’t shake his shoulder, turning him back to the real world.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Na. You okay there?” Dejun asked with a concern tone. His face immediately changed from concert to a realization, knowing what just happened. “I think you just found out who Yangyang is,” says Dejun, who's now beaming with a smile. Jaemin replies with a nod, he doesn’t know what to do.</p><p> </p><p>Dejun gave him a pat on his shoulder, one, two times, “I’m going to talk with him. No worries.”</p><p> </p><p>The game ended with a score 3-2 with Physics coming out as a winner for today’s match. Jaemin and the others walk down through the stairs, rushing out immediately to hug Jungwoo who's still sweating. Jaemin can see Yukhei fiddling his fingers, nervous to know what Jungwoo feels after his loss. Turns out the guy was still smiling like he won today.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, guys. It was just a friendly match, nothing serious,” Jungwoo explains with a smile. He realizes that Jaemin is standing behind his friends who crowded him, “Oh my god, Jaemin. I’m so sorry, you needed to walk out from your own place just to see me losing. I’m so sorry, I will make it up to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin stops Jungwoo’s ramble with raising his hand, giving the older a genuine smile, “It’s okay. I should come out of my room once this summer.” He’s ignoring Jeno’s weird gaze towards him. The next thing the older did successfully make Jaemin don't know what to do at the moment. He looks up to where Dejun is standing, still trying to make Kunhang feel hydrated after wearing a custom for 90+ minutes.</p><p> </p><p>“Yangyang!” Jungwoo drags someone to where he stands. He hugs Yangyang and tells him that he did a good job today, especially for the penalty shoot. Jaemin’s friends also came up to him and said the same thing. <em> Why am I the only one who’s standing far away? </em>Jaemin asks himself while seeing his friends, even Renjun, putting his right hand around Yangyang’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun shoves Yangyang playfully, “You didn’t tell me if you’re going to play!” he said in chinese.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang laughed and replied with chinese too, Jaemin assumed it was “Sorry.” He was so deep in his thoughts before someone calling his name.</p><p> </p><p>“Jaemin! You never met Yangyang, right?” Dejun suddenly already stands with the others while Kunhang is talking with Yukhei and Jungwoo. Jaemin points his finger to himself and Dejun nods, giving him a signal such as <em> yes-you-idiot. </em> “Oh yeah, I never met you, Yangyang,” Jaemin replies, walking closer to his friends.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin scans Yangyang’s face, and realizes that Yangyang has been wearing a black headband. His arms were sweaty because of the game he just played, also his black jersey did absolutely something with Jaemin’s mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Orange hoodie and jeans, great. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang beams Jaemin a smile, a huge one, before giving him his right hand. Inviting him to shake hands.</p><p> </p><p>Inviting him to walk into his life.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, I’m Yangyang by the way. Liu Yangyang.”</p><p> </p><p>He accepts the other boy’s hand. “I’m Jaemin,” ignoring all the stare from his friends before continuing, “Na Jaemin.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin feels his life turns into a blur when Yangyang shakes his hand and ends up with a firework inside his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>May this fireworks hinted something for his life, maybe for both of them.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Besides his room and his place, Jaemin really loves to spend time in the campus’s library. By spending time means sleeping, scrolling his social media, or other things beside doing his homework. Well, he can be doing his homework but he mostly visits the library to take a quick nap between class schedules. His friends often find him dozed off on a pile of books, papers written with various kinds of machine structure.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang often brings his purple blanket and puts it on Jaemin’s back when he finds his boyfriend sleeping in the library.</p><p> </p><p>Today, Jaemin plans to spend another time in the library. After his class ended, he immediately got up and tugged the black bag to his shoulder, walking away from the big auditorium straight to where the library was placed. His right hand was busy scrolling whatever his phone screen showed him off. Sometimes he taps the red heart on someone’s picture, usually posted by either Jaehyun or Doyoung.</p><p> </p><p>His feet finally step on the library’s floor, bowing to the woman who always sits behind the main desk. When Jaemin walked towards her, she gave him a smile, “Come here to study or take a nap, Mr. Na?”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin makes a face and laughs it off. “College sucks, everyone knows that already,” the woman nods, agreeing with what he just said, “Have a nice day, Mrs. Kwon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have a nice nap, Mr. Na.”</p><p> </p><p>The seat that was placed at the near of the library’s main desk was Jaemin’s all-time favorite. Something about that seat makes his heart feel warm. Maybe because it was close to his major’s books ally or because it was placed at the end of the main’s desk. Where Jaemin no need to use his voice to talk with people he doesn’t know or care.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin placed his bag on the desk, scrolling through his phone one more time. Reading some notifications from his friends, none from Yangyang. At this time, his boyfriend should still be in his class or hang out with some friends from his department. Jaemin doesn’t care though, all he cares about is that he needs sleep.</p><p> </p><p>After that, Jaemin starts to doze off on the desk.</p><p> </p><p>Usually, Jaemin set an alarm. He always sets an alarm to wake him up from his quick nap, even though he doesn’t have any schedule coming up next after this nap session.</p><p> </p><p>Well, this kind of alarm was in a human form so Jaemin really needs to wake up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Jaemin's hands was shaken by someone he doesn’t know, “wake up, you idiot!”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin let out a groan, weak one. He opens his eyes slowly, finding Donghyuck sitting on the seat in front of him and Jeno standing beside the other boy. His sight shifts to where his phone was placed, looking at the time to describe what situation he’s in now. The time is telling him that he’s been sleeping for only 15 minutes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 15 minutes. Great. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Pressing his lips together, Jaemin held his annoyance to his best friends. He finally croaks out a question, “What are you guys doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Us?” Donghyuck replies by pointing at himself and Jeno. Then, he points towards Jaemin, “You! What are you doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin doesn’t answer right away, instead he shows the environment he just made. <em> I was sleeping before you guys interrupted me </em>, his gesture’s translation came out like that. Donghyuck opens his mouth but nothing comes out from it, the boy nudges Jeno to slap some sense into him. This time, Jaemin knew he’s going to fuck up something.</p><p> </p><p>“Jaemin, what time is it?” Jeno asks calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“3pm?” Jaemin answered by raising both of his shoulders, not knowing what’s happening.</p><p> </p><p>Jeno let out a sigh, “You promised Yangyang that you will come to his practice.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh, right. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s the third time he missed Yangyang’s practice since he made a promise to him at the ice skate’s parking lot. Jaemin can saw Yangyang’s disappointment across his face, but the latter nudges it perfectly with a smile and he kissed Jaemin senseless after that.</p><p> </p><p>( Yangyang still trusts him after he bailed the second one. Jaemin’s excuse for that one was he’s still keeping up with his internship reports and other assignments. His boyfriend, while drawing a circle on his waist, looked up to him and said, “It’s okay, as I said it was just a practice. Nothing serious about that.” But Jaemin, a man full of himself, still makes Yangyang believe that he will come to his practice once. )</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin was thinking of another excuse, a way, anything that can make Yangyang forgive him.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t.” Jaemin looks at Donghyuck with a questioning face, “anything that you’re thinking right now, a way or an excuse to make him feel better, don’t. Don’t ever think about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeno agrees with what just Donghyuck said. “You can just say to him that you overslept or something,” Donghyuck hit his arm, Jeno was also a fool. “Okay maybe not something, tell him that you overslept. You were studying, just tell him the truth.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell him the real reason you don’t want to show up to his practice.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin made a face, “What? You know the real reason? Because it doesn’t exist.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, Donghyuck is the one who makes a face. “It’s so obvious, Jaemin,” Jeno speaks up again while looking at his best friend, “You still don’t trust him enough like he trusts you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think about me like that?” Jaemin shakes his head, “Hold on, why my relationship is so important to both of you? I’m not the who fucked up.” When he realizes what he just said, Jaemin closes his mouth with his own hand. He knows both of his best friends don't like their past relationship to be compared with anyone, especially his.</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck breathed in, trying to calm himself and make sure that Jaemin didn’t mean what he said. “Okay, I know. You don’t need to tell us like that,” he looks at Jaemin seriously, “but this, whatever doubts you have with your relationship, it needs to stop. You can't just let people give you affections and wait for the time you give them yours.”</p><p> </p><p>“I gave him mine.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeno laughs dryly, “What? A heated make out session?” Jaemin gives him a glare but he ignores it.</p><p> </p><p>“We know you’re scared, Jaemin. Scared to fall in too deep and feel that heartbreak for the countless times now.” Jaemin wants to shut his ears now, this is not the time to hear the true facts that will be spitted by Donghyuck. “But Yangyang is different. You saw how he treated you, treated us, he’s not from nowhere. He’s Kunhang’s friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“As long as you hate it, just say that he’s also Mark’s friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Jeno.” Jeno holds up both of his hands, surrendering himself.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin knows this, before anyone else, he’s the one who knows about this. This whole, what do you say, a façade? Is it a façade? He doesn’t know if he’s in love with Yangyang or not. They started as that young adult novel couple. Young, in love, and curious. Yangyang once asked him about them.</p><p> </p><p>( “What are we?” Yangyang asks suddenly. They were sitting on Jaemin’s not-so-wide couch.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin looked at the boy who’s now leaning on his shoulder, playing with the edge of his hoodie. His orange hoodie.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang can feel Jaemin’s hand move up to caress his hair, “Do you mind if I call us, ‘whatever we are’?” Yangyang laughs a little bit, he knows that they just got to know each other this summer and the new semester week will come up shortly.</p><p> </p><p>But Yangyang found himself nodding, “Yeah, whatever we are.” )</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck’s voice pulls him from his thoughts. “Hey, you need to tell him how you feel. Even if you should write an essay to describe it, you need to. Because at this time, both of you can just get married already.”</p><p> </p><p>“Marriage, not marriage only, relationship is nothing without trust and communication,” Jeno added.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin curves a smile, “You sure learned your mistake.”</p><p> </p><p>After the confrontation, Donghyuck invited both of them to hang out at the nearby cafe. Knowing the library will be closed soon, Jaemin told his friends they can go first and he will follow afterwards. After they left, Jaemin picked up his phone and opened a message from Yangyang. There was a lot from him and he can’t stop the weird feeling coming from his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> sheep sheep </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m going to start my practice </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You coming? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Na? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Is this because of the assignments again? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jaeminnieeeee </em>
</p><p>
  <em> :( </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Right, ok </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s fine though </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe you were asleep in the library again </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry i can’t bring my purple blanket to warm u up </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Have a nice day </em>
</p><p>
  <em> &lt;3 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hey </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yeah i overslept </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can’t wait to hear what happened today from u </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My day always has been nice </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Because you’re in it </em>
</p><p>
  <em> &lt;3 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Any feelings that come up from his stomach, it’s not a firework.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> 24 liu yangyang  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> So </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What time will you pick me up again? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 10 am? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Or 11 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Let’s get lunch after it </em>
</p><p>
  <em> How’s that sound? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> That just sounds great </em>
</p><p>
  <em> See you soon? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> See you soon nana </em>
</p><p>
  <em> &lt;3 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> &lt;3 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m on my way now </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hope you’re already prepared! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin doesn’t read the last two messages from Yangyang. The reason behind that is he’s busy choosing what to wear. Yes, he’s still not finished deciding which jacket he should wear, which jeans, which hairstyle that Yangyang will love to see. He’s doom for sure.</p><p> </p><p>For all of you who might wonder, when this happened and how? How did someone like Liu Yangyang can make the Na Jaemin, who never wanted someone to bother his summer holiday, feel confused and doom because he can’t choose a pair of clothes. </p><p> </p><p>It started after the soccer match. They exchanged numbers.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang hung out with him and his friends. That made Jaemin talk to Dejun more and the latter also told him, occasionally, everything about Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>How Yangyang loves his egg in the morning, how this boy was born on the same day as Uzumaki Naruto. Jaemin even makes time to dive into an astrology website and see how many percent that their sun and moon match is compatible enough.</p><p> </p><p>The result was not that good but also not that bad. If they work it together, it will make them right, right?</p><p> </p><p>That’s why Jaemin said yes when Yangyang asked him on a date. Well, he asked him to hang out first then confessed about his real intention.</p><p> </p><p>(</p><p>
  <em> 24 liu yangyang </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Do you want to go hang out sometime </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Only two of us </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Two of us? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Without the others? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Without Donghyuck, Jeno, Renjun, and Taro? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nope </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Even Kunhang and Dejun? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Especially two of them </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nope </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Did you just ask me on a date? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> If my intention was that </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Will you say yes? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ll pick the place </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I heard you’re a good speed skater </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Huh </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m flattered </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Get ready to hear more of it </em>
</p><p>)</p><p> </p><p>“Oh fuck it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin decided to wear a white t-shirt with a graphic design on it and a blue jeans jacket for his outer. Also he chose plain black pants, wearing it like there’s no tomorrow. He read the last two messages from Yangyang after finished styling his hair. He even considered wearing a beanie because he feels cute today.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Not good, Jaemin. Not good. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>After re-read the messages from Yangyang for about five times already, Jaemin takes his phone so quickly and runs out of his place. He pushed the elevator button continuously, furious because how this thing works so slowly when he needs to get out as fast as he can. After riding the elevator that felt like hours, Jaemin finally steps on the lobby and walks out from his apartment complex. His eyes try to find where the hell is this guy, because Yangyang should be here already.</p><p> </p><p><em> Did I give him the wrong address? No I didn't </em>.</p><p> </p><p>A voice called, "Hey, handsome." Jaemin turns his head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Damn you reflex. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>All Jaemin remembers is that he knew Yangyang would pick him up. He didn't know what transportation he would use. From a few feet from where Jaemin stands, not that far, there's Yangyang leaning his back on a black car. He smiles so bright that it is enough to make Jaemin's heart clenches.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin walked toward him, didn't forget to scan the car first before looking up to the boy. "Is this yours?" Jaemin asks, making sure he's not going on a date with a thief.</p><p> </p><p>"I know you will ask that." Yangyang now puts his hand on the car, "this is Kun's. One of the seniors in the campus's international language office. I told him I want to take someone on a date but don't have any bicycle."</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang knew that Jaemin often cycled to the campus. Not often, he always uses a bicycle because of Jeno.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Damn Jeno and his hobby. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Kun knows I like to drive back in Germany so he let me use it for today."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin made a sound, a pleased one. "You know we can just take a bus and chat over anything you want," he says. Yangyang let out a small laugh before looking into Jaemin's eyes and say, "Yeah, but I want to be with you."</p><p> </p><p>"The bus is full of people we don't know."</p><p> </p><p>"There could be a chance we bump into Donghyuck or Jeno."</p><p> </p><p>With that, Jaemin agrees. Yangyang opens the front door, gives Jaemin a permission to step in, "Here you go, a formal invitation to feel the ride with  Liu Yangyang." Jaemin really knows that Yangyang is working really hard right now. He loves it, really really loves it.</p><p> </p><p>The ride to where the date will take place is full of color, if Jaemin can dramatize it. Yangyang let his Spotify playlist turn on, singing every lyric like he's on the stage or something. Jaemin follows him of course, he will sing the lyrics that he knows. But most of the time, he just sits and witnesses the excitement from the person who's sitting on his left.</p><p> </p><p>The car is parked in front of a roller skate place. Jaemin stands in front of that place with two of his hands on his waist. He looked at Yangyang's reaction and almost fell on the street. Because it is hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>"You're a roller skate athlete?" Yangyang asks.</p><p> </p><p>"No shit, Sherlock. Come on." Jaemin tugs Yangyang's arms and walks into the place. They rent two roller skates for both of them. The place is not that crowded but Jaemin doesn't find himself feeling so uneasy like usual.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe because Yangyang is a regular in his life right now and he makes him feel at ease sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin starts to skate comfortably on the floor. He turns around and finds Yangyang still holding on to the bar at the verge of the skate place.</p><p> </p><p>He laughs before skating closer to him, "You're not going to fall."</p><p> </p><p>"Says a skate athlete," Yangyang replies. His eyes were shaking because he's really afraid to fall.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nudges his chin with his finger. This time, Yangyang's eyes soften for a bit. Their fingers intertwined together as Jaemin helps Yangyang to find his balance. After that, they skated to the track slowly.</p><p> </p><p>"As long as you have me in front of you," Jaemin says as they skate together, "you won't fall. Understand?" Yangyang find himself nodding and squeezes both of Jaemin's hand on his. Jaemin doesn't mind, he tightens their hands together. Both of them skate through the music that plays, from EDM to ballad one.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang finally find his courage to let go one of Jaemin's hand and try to skate on his own. Jaemin smiles so wide and encourages  him to follow his speed now. They laugh, screech, even witness each other fall one by one. Yangyang falls often of course, he sucks.</p><p> </p><p>"Can you do the thing?" Yangyang asks.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin still laughs when he replies to Yangyang's question, "What thing?"</p><p> </p><p>"The thing that a figure skater always does." Jaemin is thinking, he looks at the roller skater once and shakes his head. "I don't want to take a risk but maybe next time." He didn't realize what he just said after seeing Yangyang's face.</p><p> </p><p>"What?"</p><p> </p><p>"You just asked me on another date."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin let out a scoff, "No, it wasn't a date." Now, he's thinking again. "Scratch that, it's a date then. But it will take on the real ice, so it hurts more than this. It's also cold." Yangyang nods and smiles, "As long as it's a date. I'm fine."</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang is cheesy. Maybe Jaemin just found his match.</p><p> </p><p>After their roller skate date, the two boys decide to buy cheap street food for lunch nearby. They talk about the new semester coming up, their new schedules and how they should synchronize both of their lives as an athlete and a student. Jaemin also tells him why he lives alone near campus and didn't want to find a roommate.  The reason is simple, Jaemin doesn't want his zone to be bothered.</p><p> </p><p>"Actually, I knew your place before you told me yesterday," Yangyang confesses. Jaemin stops his eating and looks at the boy quietly. "Remember when Renjun came to your place before the holiday?" Jaemin was trying to remember when the last time Renjun came to his place. Yangyang sighs, "After he and Jeno broke up."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin let out a soft 'ah' and asked what about it.</p><p> </p><p>"I was the one who took him there." Yangyang eats a spoonful of his soup, "With Jeno, of course. I didn't tell him that night, the party before summer break, that I promised Renjun to take him to his friend's place who also didn't go to the party."</p><p> </p><p>He nods his head, Jaemin did remember that night. He spends his night trying to make Renjun feel better while Jeno's coping mechanism is go scream on top of his lungs in a beer pong game.</p><p> </p><p>"He didn't play beer pong, if you want to know." Yangyang's smile doesn't reach both of his eyes, "I know I just got closer to Jeno for a short time, compared to you. But when there's sadness and heartbreak, I can feel it without knowing who they are."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin stirs his spoon in his bowl. Those two need a break, so they broke up for good. He knows that Renjun is close with Yangyang, like him with Jeno. Jaemin knows for some time that Renjun has a close friend who also speaks chinese from the international language office.</p><p> </p><p>Lunch ended with Yangyang paying for both of their foods. The boy took Jaemin to a local thrift shop first, buying some new toy cars before walking to another shop. An aesthetic one, Jaemin bought a scented candle chosen by Yangyang. He will make sure to light it up when he gets home.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang's car, well it's Kun's, finally parked in front of Jaemin's apartment complex. After spending some time walking in some famous districts in Seoul, the sun told them that evening will come shortly. So, Yangyang immediately takes Jaemin home.</p><p> </p><p>Holding a paper bag with the scented candle in it, Jaemin gives Yangyang a smile. The other boy just closed the front door and looked at Jaemin who's now smiling.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" He asks.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin shrugs, "Nothing." He walks closer to where Yangyang stands, leaving a few centimeters between their bodies. "Thank you for today. You made me happy."</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang smiles and bows slightly, treating Jaemin as a prince is a must for him. "You're welcome, glad you liked it," he replies with a smile that curves on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Then a faint silence appeared between them. The sun was almost setting, making the lights on where they were standing a little bit darker than before. But Jaemin can see the way Yangyang is waiting for something. He also realizes the gaze from the other man's eyes, eyeing where his lips were placed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Damn me and my feelings. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin crashes his lips on Yangyang's a few seconds later. He also puts his hands on both of the other boy's shoulders, letting out a small sigh when Yangyang licks his mouth. Jaemin can feel Yangyang's hands on his waist, caressing the edge of his tucked t-shirt. Yangyang also pulls him closer to his body, letting Jaemin message his hair while kissing.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss feels like magic, Jaemin thinks. The way both of their lips move in sync, creating electricity through Jaemin’s body that makes his spine shivers. Jaemin didn’t expect Yangyang to lift his chin slightly, only to deepen the kiss. He was caught off guard, grabbing both of the other boy's arms for balance.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Yangyang is there to hold him up. He’s licking Jaemin’s mouth like there’s no tomorrow. Like Jaemin will run away after this. He spends so much time trying to leave a good impression of his kisses.</p><p> </p><p>While Jaemin feels like he’s in a rush. He’s in a rush because he’s afraid Yangyang is going to fall with another boy or girl.</p><p> </p><p>They stop when they feel the need to breathe. Yangyang pants against Jaemin's lips, making the latter smile and pecks at the corner of his lips once again.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang was the one who croaked out a commentary first, "That was hot." Jaemin laughs and hides his face on Yangyang's neck. He feels Yangyang drawing a circle on his back before telling him to go back to his room. "It's almost down. I need to bring back the car before Kun beats me up."</p><p> </p><p>"Will he beat you up?" Yangyang shrugs, "Depends on what is the reason holding me to bring it back."</p><p> </p><p>A smile curves on Jaemin's lips, he feels mischievous today. "One more," Jaemin said before kissing Yangyang's lips again. After that, he walks back to his apartment. Waving a goodbye to Yangyang who's still leaning his back to the car.</p><p> </p><p>"DON'T DREAM OF ME!" He shouts.</p><p> </p><p>"I WON'T!" Yangyang replied.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin chuckles and pushes the elevator button. This time, he thanked God it works slowly. Because he doesn't want it to end this quickly. But well, he got a second date right?</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jaemin is so fuck up. At this level, he doesn’t even know what to do with his major. Why the hell did he choose Mechanical Engineering? Oh yeah, his dad refused his wish to become a surgeon. The reason was absolute nonsense.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a boy, Jaemin.”</p><p> </p><p>That old man forgot about his weekly appointment in the hospital. His doctor is a man.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin was too caught up with his demand to live alone while studying in college. So he followed his dad’s wish and chose this major, only to experience living alone away from where he lived. Actually, his house is not that far. He can just take a bus and pass a few stops then voila, his house will be seen.</p><p> </p><p>He just doesn’t want to go home. Not that the situation is bad, he just wants to be alone.</p><p> </p><p>Let’s sums up what happened in this past week:</p><p> </p><p>1. He truly messed up his academics.</p><p> </p><p>Why? Because he just knows. Couple of exams in a week with no preparation. Jaemin stuck with his coffee on his study desk, sometimes he moved to his couch and his bed. Yangyang always made sure he didn’t miss his breakfast, lunch, or even dinner. The latter can suddenly show up in front of Jaemin’s door with healthy food on both of his hands.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin lets the other feed him while he tries to understand what’s wrong with these two pipes in one engine. Yangyang also let Jaemin rants and cries over his assignments, even his feud with one of the TA.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwoo already made sure that no one will mess up with Jaemin. But this feud was caused by himself who can’t finish one of his reports. Jaemin remembers when Jungwoo gave him a one set of lunch, made by himself, for cheering him up. The older of the two of them told him that he knew this is hard for him, for both of them, but let’s try to think how they can finish this now and think about tomorrow after.</p><p> </p><p>2. His problem with one of his professors.</p><p> </p><p>It started with a question, about how this one particular engine actually works because Jaemin just can’t understand what the hell his professor just explained. From the side of his professor, he thought Jaemin was one of those students who wanted to mess up with him so he completely ignored Jaemin’s question and moved on to the next topic.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin knew if he started to talk, many things would come out from his filthy mouth. He can’t stand a person that just ignored his question, he needs to survive in this major and his professor ignored him because he can’t keep up with the topic.</p><p> </p><p>Oh how life is so funny.</p><p> </p><p>That’s why Jaemin decided to walk out from that class. The professor asked him the reason why he decided to walk out and he answered, “I need to find another person who can actually teach me without ignoring my understanding about this whole universe.”</p><p> </p><p>He was dramatic, he knows that. But at least he was not in that situation again. The news spread faster than he thought. Even his friends from other departments talk about this.</p><p> </p><p>Rumour has it that the professor won’t teach his class again because of him. Jaemin was forced to make an apology letter to him. Half-heartedly, he wrote that long ass letter and gave it to him. Not given physically, he sent him an electronic mail and got an ‘Ok’ for a reply.</p><p> </p><p>See? His life is so funny.</p><p> </p><p>That particular order boosted his brain in the library. It was already his 5th time in a row, even though he always comes to this place to only take a nap, but these 5 times are different now. He needs to keep up with his academics, he really needs to ace all of his exams that will come up shortly. He even missed some of his regular practice, giving an excuse that all of this are on his #1 priority list.</p><p> </p><p>It’s 4:15 pm and Jaemin is still on his 4th book of 5. The library is unbearably quieter than usual. He knows the library should be quiet on regular days. But today’s quiet seems odd to him.</p><p> </p><p>Like that one day in an apocalyptic movie, when the main character realized everyone was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin doesn’t look up to his phone to check the time. The last time he did, he knew this was already past noon. He stood up and walked towards the nearest dispenser in the library, making sure he needs to stay hydrated while his brain is freaking boiling right now. He glanced to where Mrs. Kwon seated, eyes focused on her phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Mrs. Kwon,” Jaemin decided to call the woman while sipping his water. “What is so serious about your phone?”</p><p> </p><p>Mrs. Kwon laughs, eyes still focused on the phone. “I just love the enthusiasm within students about the recent soccer match. Did you know that Physics really went up straight to the top and became the best team in our campus this year?” a disbelief gaze shown from her expression, she didn’t believe about the fact but she needed to.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin blink his eyes, once, twice. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” his hand was shaking, but he was known to hide all of his emotions perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>“The autumn soccer match before the annual dance,” and the rest was gone. Jaemin was gone.</p><p> </p><p>His feet never move so quickly. Jaemin literally runs to his belongings, shoves all of the books into his bag, and bids a quick goodbye to Mrs. Kwon. Made a promise to the woman that he will surely bring the books back to the library tomorrow.  Now, he needs to attend a match that he can’t miss.</p><p> </p><p>He shouldn’t miss a match. He never missed Yangyang’s match.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin cycled so hard, his feet felt numb for just moving both of his pedals. His mind wandered to the moments where Yangyang told him about the upcoming match. He said that he will meet Jeno, because Jeno is majoring in International Studies. He remembered Yangyang made sure he won’t hurt his best friend, he promised he won’t kick too hard towards the goal post because Jeno will be the goalkeeper for his team.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered Yangyang wanted him there and Jaemin promised him that he would sit at the bottom of the stadium’s bleacher. Making sure he will see Yangyang make a goal perfectly rather than when he saw him for the first time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck no, no. Not again, not today. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Not this kind of time. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His bicycle was parked near where the stadium was placed, the same place at that time of summer holiday. Jaemin can see people walking out from the stadium, chattering after the game. Some people even celebrate whoever won the match. Suddenly he can’t breath, but he needs to find Yangyang first.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin was still a few feets away when he saw a familiar group, walking together from the stadium’s main gate. He even sees some people that are not studying on this campus anymore. Kun, he sees Kun, smiling brightly while putting his hand around someone’s shoulder. When that someone turns his head, beaming with a smile, Jaemin knows he’s so far gone.</p><p> </p><p>Kun and Ten are here, supporting Yangyang. Hell, both of them are doing internships in a place that far away from the campus.</p><p> </p><p>But, both of them can make it to the game. Jaemin? No, he can’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Here he is! Our MVP!” That’s Yukhei’s voice, loud and clear followed by Jungwoo’s silent hushes after that. Yangyang is on the taller’s shoulder, laughing and trying to balance himself so he won’t fall. The other sounds are coming from his other friend’s. Dejun is there carrying Yangyang’s bag, Kunhang and Mark are holding both of Yangyang’s feet that were dangling around Yukhei’s shoulder, Sicheng and Jaehyun try to hide their faces because they felt the embarrassment caused by the action.</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck led the “Liu Yangyang” chant, followed by Renjun, Shotaro, and even Jeno. His best friend is still wearing his International Studies jersey with 23 on the back, dancing along whatever choreography that was made by Shotaro on the spot.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin still stands in his current place. He feels his heart clenches, witnessing how happy Yangyang is surrounded by people who care about him. People who sacrificed their times to attend his match. In conclusion, Yangyang is happy without him.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever we are,” he stutters  his current relationship with the boy who’s still got his name chanted by his friends. “Whatever we are, it needs to stop,” Jaemin says to himself before grabbing his bicycle and deciding to go back home.</p><p> </p><p>The train of thoughts inside his head is running towards a dead end. Black, blank space, nothing. Jaemin sense nothing in himself, sense no affection that he can give after all of this to Yangyang. Not after countless promises that he forgot, preferring his safe zone rather anyone else’s precious moment.</p><p> </p><p>His legs are shaking inside the elevator. He can’t stand walking to his own place. When he finally gets in, Jaemin throws his bag elsewhere and taps on his phone so fast. Pushing all alphabets on his gadget's touch screen keyboard before it hits the send button.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> sheep sheep </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please please </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can’t do this anymore </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whatever we are,  it needs to stop this way </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You deserve someone better than me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Forgive me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His finger hit the block option afterwards.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Did you ever wonder if we were on the right path?" Yangyang asked, making any movement from Jaemin completely stopped.</p><p> </p><p>They were currently at Yangyang's place. Jaemin felt tired to go back to his place and he never spent so much time playing at Yangyang’s. The other laughed and he let Jaemin in. He's alone by now, knowing Dejun is still out on a date with Kunhang and Kun is busy with his new internships.</p><p> </p><p>Both of them were sitting on Yangyang's bed when he suddenly asked that question. The owner of the bed is looking down to his own bed sheets, playing with Jaemin's finger but doesn't have enough courage to stare through his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin inhales softly before replying Yangyang's question, "Why did you think about that?" His tone is soft, he doesn't want to push Yangyang into something he's not comfortable with. He knows the way he sees an exclusive relationship is a bit complicated and he also knows Yangyang should be in an exclusive one. Too bad he found someone like Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>Too bad Jaemin was founded by someone like Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang let out a sigh, he thinks he needs to let out this burden on his shoulders right away. “I don’t know, I’m afraid I will hurt you at certain times,” he says while starting to look up to Jaemin’s eyes. The shrugs on his shoulder telling how he must have gone through something bad in his past relationship. “I guess I felt like I should run away first, before going too deep into this,” Yangyang continued his sentence with a soft voice.</p><p> </p><p>Hearing what just Yangyang said, Jaemin voluntarily scoots over to Yangyang’s side. He put his right hand on the other’s shoulder, pulling his body closer to him. Jaemin pats the top of Yangyang’s head softly, trying to calm the boy who he can feel his body becoming tense up. Yangyang knows Jaemin loves to cuddle, but this one is a different kind of cuddle.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin never shows his reassuring cuddle. He only shows it to people who he cares about and he knows about, in and out.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang knows about this from Jeno before he starts to take a little crush on Na. He remembered Jeno said that Jaemin is a tough nut to crack if you only passed him by in occasional time. But when you know a lot more about him, there will be several actions made by Jaemin that tell you are one of his important people. This cuddle is one of them.</p><p> </p><p>They stay in that exact position for a few minutes. Both of them can hear each other breathing in the silence of Yangyang’s room. Jaemin waits for a few seconds more, making sure the boy he’s holding is alright with whatever this topic is going to go. They never talk about their past relationship, because it’s not their rights to know unless one of them decided to open up first.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin’s finger caresses the end of Yangyang’s dark locks, “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks softly, still scared he will cross their boundaries about the past relationship topic. Yangyang doesn’t answer right away but Jaemin understands, so he gives him time. He kisses the top of Yangyang’s head, whispering something that he hopes makes the other calm. “I’m here if you want to talk, tell me everything. All the things you think are stupid, just say it. Because it won’t sounds stupid if it came out from your mouth.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, Yangyang laughs a little. Jaemin grins, at least he can laugh now.</p><p> </p><p>“It was stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nonsense!” Jaemin declares and Yangyang laughs again. “I will give you time, you don’t need to tell me everything, right now,” he continued, starting to play with Yangyang’s fingers. They intertwine both of their fingers, holding it tight. “We can just stay like this for a while or do you want to watch something cheesy?” Jaemin asks the boy in his hold this time.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang shakes his head, instead he looks up to Jaemin’s eyes. Searching for something through the latter’s dark brown obsidian. Jaemin’s hand moves to fix Yangyang’s bangs before he pecks his lips once. Yangyang chuckles and Jaemin continues pecking, he pecks until Yangyang tells him to stop.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you love my kisses,” Jaemin pouts.</p><p> </p><p>“I love it. I just want to talk about the stupid thing,” Yangyang replies. Jaemin softens his expression and caresses the back of Yangyang’s hand, “You know you can tell me about it later, right?” The boy in front of him nods, but this topic may be bugging his head even more if he doesn’t tell Jaemin right now. Maybe right now is the best time to talk about this kind of story.</p><p> </p><p>They change their position, Jaemin even brings some snacks that he bought before. The boys spread all of the snacks on Yangyang’s bed, don’t forget two glasses of water to calm both of their souls.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin was munching his snack when Yangyang starts his story. “It was me and my ex, he was in this campus too,” Jaemin’s gaze stop and Yangyang quickly hold his hand, “He’s somewhere from one of our departments but I can make sure he’s not from Mechanical Engineering because if he does, Kunhang will come to your building and beat him up.”</p><p> </p><p>That should make Jaemin feel better. He does realize why this kind of topic is sensitive for him. Jaemin can feel his possessiveness run through his veins and he can't hide this particular trait of his. He didn't even realize that his knuckles had gone white.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want me to continue?" Yangyang asks, covering Jaemin's knuckles with his hand. He wants to make sure that the latter is okay if he tells this story.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nods and Yangyang continues. “We dated, like us. He was here also and I was at his too. It feels like a fever dream for three months? Maybe, I don’t remember because it wasn’t that long ago but I try to forget that for my own sake," he let out a sigh. Not a regret one, but felt tired to tell about all of this. Slowly he recalled all of the memories with this certain someone.</p><p> </p><p>The memories made him smile a little.</p><p> </p><p>"We even talked about moving in together." Jaemin chokes on his snack for that. Yangyang gives him the glass and Jaemin drinks from it. "Right, it was stupid. But I don't know. That time I realized that I was falling too deep with him. But it felt good, it felt really good as long as i'm with him."</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang smiles slightly again, remembering how stupid his version one year ago. Just a lone boy from another country, falling in love with someone he thought they will have their happy ever after started in college.</p><p> </p><p>But no, that shit's not going to happen.</p><p> </p><p>"One day, he's been off. I think he's busy or something, so I gave him time and space he needs. Until the day he told me he found someone else and I was just his best friend."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin's mouth gapes in shock, "He what?" He can see Yangyang smiles but not that bright like usual.</p><p> </p><p>"He found someone else. I don't know what I did in our relationship. Since that day, we have never hung out again. I was moping in the campus language office until Kun dragged me to find some hobby. This is one of the reasons why I start soccer, even though I lived in a country who often top #1 rank in FIFA."</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang takes his chips into his mouth. Acting like what he just told was just a fairytale. It's good if he already gets rid of those memories. He has his friends now, has his roommates, has Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin, on the other hand, can't process what he just heard. "So, he ghosted you and suddenly told you that both of you were just best friends? Best friend who dated? Thought on moving in together?" His eyebrows twitched, "Did you two have sex?"</p><p> </p><p>"Not that explicit." Yangyang winced hearing his answer, "I'm still afraid and he didn't push me."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin grabs his glass again and drinks. Trying to process all of this. He tried to link the story of Yangyang with his question before. Then it clicks, no wonder Yangyang asked him that question.</p><p> </p><p>"Sheep." Yangyang replies with a hum while eating his chips, "do you trust me?"</p><p> </p><p>"Only in skating." He got slapped by Jaemin on his arm, "Okay! Okay! Yes, of course I trust you."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin beams him a smile and cradle Yangyang's face with both of his hands. Looking straight to the latter's brown eyes. He can see himself from his eyes, he can see stars from it. His finger grazes on Yangyang's face, caressing his cheek softly.</p><p> </p><p>"Like I said, as long as you have me in front of you. You will be okay," Jaemin says with a soft voice. "We are a new journey on our own stories. We are new to us. It's like, opening a new chapter. There will be shits upon us later, but it's okay. We can think about that later. Right now, let's just cherish whatever we have. You have me and I have you."</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang is about to cry when he replies, "I don't know. I feel like I will make you go away like him. That one day you will be gone and tell me what we had was not real."</p><p> </p><p>"We are real." Jaemin slaps his own face and winced. "Fuck, i'm alive."</p><p> </p><p>This time Yangyang is the one who cradle Jaemin's face. He pecks his lips once, twice. Smiling against the boy in front of him. He looks at him like he's the rarest piece of art in this world.</p><p> </p><p>His finger fixes his bangs which almost falls onto his left eye. "I'm sorry if I made you think that I don't trust you. It's just, what we have, is going into a similar path like I experienced before. I just don't want to feel like that again and make sure if you think what we have is real."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin replied with a hum, "I believe in us. You should too." With that, he leans in for a kiss. It's a soft one, not heated make out session one. Jaemin opens his mouth and Yangyang licks.</p><p> </p><p>The soft session lasted for a few seconds only. Because Yangyang is suddenly on top of Jaemin's, putting both of his hands on his hip. Jaemin, on the other hand, pulling Yangyang's closer to him. His legs spread wider to give Yangyang access to put his right foot in there.</p><p> </p><p>"Baobei, we're home!" They heard a sound. "Do you want din- oh my god!"</p><p> </p><p>Both boys stop their activity and look at the place where the sound was coming from. Ten, standing on Yangyang's open door, covering his mouth with his own hand. They heard Kun's questioning something and followed Ten after. He's also covering his mouth when he sees what Ten sees.</p><p> </p><p>Ten let out a huff, "Do you have any condom around you?"</p><p> </p><p>"No and no, we're not going to do that," Yangyang defends and Jaemin laughs. He hides his face on Yangyang's neck, can't look at the two olders who are still standing at the door.</p><p> </p><p>Kun sighs, he witnesses the snacks on Yangyang's bed. "Did you guys eat snacks for dinner?" Yangyang shakes his head, "Do both of you want dinner?" This time, both of them nod in unison.</p><p> </p><p>"Alright." Kun turns his head to Ten, "Help me cook for both of them."</p><p> </p><p>"Sure, mom." Kun slaps Ten's arm before walking to the kitchen. Ten laughs and turns his head towards the two boys again. "Join me outside. I can't trust both of you alone in this room. I don't want to hear any moaning while cooking dinner." Yangyang throws a pillow towards the older, but Ten ran away faster than his throw.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang let out a sigh and looked at Jaemin once again. "Guess you will be here a little longer than expected," he says and Jaemin smiles. They kiss again for a while. "I like being here, as long as you're with me," Jaemin replies.</p><p> </p><p>As long as they have each other, they will be alright.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>One of the straightest things in Jaemin's life is his cowardness. He's a straight ass coward for fuck sake.</p><p> </p><p>It's been 2 weeks since Jaemin blocked Yangyang's contact. Since then, he's been spending his time alone in his place. He decided he won't be spending time in the library again because there's a high chance the others will confront him there. There's a high chance Yangyang will meet him there</p><p> </p><p>So he spends his time in his department's canteen. He met Jungwoo often there, but the older one just gave him a wave. Maybe he knows what happened, but he decided to stay out of his way. Everybody knows what happened, because it's already been 2 weeks for his friends to give Jaemin his own time.</p><p> </p><p>Jeno sent him a message two days after it happened. Jaemin thought Yangyang must have told him and Jeno was furious.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn't, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>(</p><p>
  <em> samoyed </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hey </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whatever happened between u and sheep </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's not ur fault </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Why did you say that </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Because I knew this cycle </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It just needs more communication </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And bigger space to breath </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I'm sorry I didn't come </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It was because of the match? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Na </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You know he loves you more than that </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I fucked up </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It means more something to him </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He realized it too </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can’t tell u </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s between me and him </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Okay </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Just don't miss your eating schedule </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Do you want me there? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I will tell you if I want </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Great </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Love you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yeah </em>
</p><p>)</p><p> </p><p>Final exam is coming up and Jaemin has been boosting his brain up. Last week, he suddenly aced his two mid-term exams. That was magic, if he wanted to say it. His dad gave him more cash for a gift, with a demand that he should come back home for winter break.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in forever, Jaemin said yes without arguing. His mother even looked concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything okay, son?” the woman asked when they had a phone call after Jaemin told them about the exam. His mother continues that his dad was gone already, so Jaemin can tell her everything. Then Jaemin cried, he cried so hard. He told her everything about what happened with Yangyang, with his academics, his friends, everything.</p><p> </p><p>He sobs like he lost everything in one day. Well, he thought so.</p><p> </p><p>His mother comes the next day, making sure Jaemin stays healthy because his exam is coming up. She realized the additional photos on her son’s wall, recognizing the handsome ‘sheep’ Jaemin described before. “He’s handsome,” she says while wiping a wet plate. Jaemin looks up from his book and witnesses that his mom is staring at his memory wall.</p><p> </p><p>On that wall, hangs so many photos of him and his important people. His old high school graduation picture with Jeno and Donghyuck, his first year winter trip when Jeno and Renjun started dating, Shotaro’s dance competition, and many more. Several of the pictures are from his dates with Yangyang. There’s a picture of his cheeks was pinched by Yangyang, Yangyang standing with a cotton candy in his hand, him kissing Yangyang’s cheek while the boy is talking with someone, other stupid poses of him and Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>Mrs. Na turns her head towards her son and smiles, “You can solve this. It’s worth fighting for.” Jaemin’s brain is thinking so hard about what his mother just said. Why do people trust him so much? Even though he fucked up several times? Is he worth being loved by someone like Yangyang?</p><p> </p><p>After all he's done?</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin mutters a reply, “Thank you, mom.”</p><p> </p><p>His mother stayed until his exam week started. Since then, Jaemin has started to get back to the library. No one, even his friends, confront him there. Mrs. Kwon told him that several people came to the library, asking about his whereabouts and she answered that Jaemin has never been back to the library since the autumn soccer match. </p><p> </p><p>On his third day of exam, Jaemin walks from the auditorium and walks straight to where the canteen is located. He needs to stay hydrated after trying to solve some physics and math formulas for 2 hours straight.</p><p> </p><p>His head is boiling.</p><p> </p><p>Arriving at the canteen, he sees a familiar face. Shotaro, sitting across four tables from where Jaemin stands, peeks his head and waves to Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>"Nana!" Shotaro calls with his little voice. Jaemin smiles at the japanese and hugs him tight, oh how much he misses his friend. "Did you do good? Your exam?" Shotaro asks while Jaemin sits in front of him. The otter-like boy waits for his answer while sipping his water.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin shrugs his shoulders and Shotaro takes that as 'not bad' answer. "What are you doing here? International Studies building is like, far away from here," Jaemin says to the other boy.</p><p> </p><p>"I need to go to the language office for my korean tutor with Renjun. Jeno left first because he has another schedule with the student union."</p><p> </p><p>His ears shifted when he heard another boy's name. "Renjun?" Shotaro nods and mutters something under his breath, "I'm sorry, Na."</p><p> </p><p>Before Jaemin replies with anything, someone sits next to him. "Thank you, Taro. You may take your late lunch now. I reserved it at the other table," Renjun says to Shotaro while smiling. Shotaro nods and bids them goodbye, walking to another table that has two sets of campus lunch. After Shotaro left, Renjun turned his head back to Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun smiles like he's into something. "Hey," he starts the conversation, "how are you?"</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin shifts on his seat, it's hard looking at Renjun after what happened. "I'm fine. Getting better, maybe. Exams make my brain on fire recently," Jaemin replies with a joke. Renjun still laughs, that's a good sign. Maybe today he's still going to walk out from this canteen alive and healthy.</p><p> </p><p>A faint silence falls between their conversation. It's so heavy, even Jaemin can't stand it.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want to talk about something?" Jaemin asks.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, about that. He misses you," Renjun says. "I swear I told him to contact you, aside from you blocking his contact. Another way which he can visit your place but he refused. He always says things about your safe zone and you don't want to be bothered. Is that true?" The gaze that Renjun gave is so sharp, it makes Jaemin scared for a minute. He never saw Renjun like this, tempting and demanding the truth.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin coughs before answering. “Yeah, kind of. My mom visited me and I had a few bad weeks after it happened,” he answered. Looking at Renjun’s reaction, the chinese boy keeps his mouth shut. His lips were tighten, showing that he didn’t trust the answer that was already given.</p><p> </p><p>Before Renjun can reply, Jaemin cuts him off.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I fucked up. I hurt one of your best friends, I know I made promises that I can’t keep to him. This past months, all the things I try to balance my ordinary life and my school was so fuck up. It’s between me and my dream world, where I can be myself and spend some time alone. But I can’t do that all the time, right? I have him, you, Jeno, real people who can take care of me. People that always said, ‘you’re not alone Jaemin, you have us’. Well yes, you all have me. But do I really have all of you? I felt like I was standing so far away because I was too busy coping with my zone. This thing keeps me up until it made me fucking hurt the only thing keeping me sane all this time. It’s him, I lost him.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin was breathing so hard when he finished his sentence. His eyes were blurry, close into tears. Renjun quickly takes his water bottle and gives it to Jaemin. He drinks all of the water inside the bottle, following Renjun’s instruction to breathe properly.</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes passed, Jaemin could feel his lungs finally work better. He should practice to control his breathing if he wants to do better in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, about what he just said.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, he’s not mad at you. Like I said, he misses you.” Renjun let out a sigh, “he loves you that much but he is also a coward. Yes, he was moping with our korean tutor and also in his room. But he thinks that you need time and maybe he needs it too. He would never be mad at you just because you weren’t there at his match. He knows your academic struggle and priority lists in this kind of period. You guys just need to make time for communication, alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin heard this somewhere, but he replies with a nod. Renjun is the first person who straight came up to him, talking about this. Because of the exam period, his friends kept this topic out of the table because it’s also not their business. Jaemin didn’t expect Renjun to ask this faster than everyone, including Jeno and Donghyuck.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun raises his right eyebrow, “For?”</p><p> </p><p>“For keeping up with me,” Jaemin says. “For keeping all the shits I've done. I burdened you and the others. I’m sorry and thank you for still slapping some sense to me.” Renjun smiles this time, he pats Jaemin’s head with his hand softly. “Best friends sometimes slap each other, that was just natural law, right?” he snickers.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nods, agreeing. For the first time in a few weeks, he feels all of the burden on his shoulders loosened. It’s nice to take it all out to the person you trust. Plus got some senses slapped into him.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes shift to a notification on Renjun’s phone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>liu yangyang</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <em> R u coming? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I have winter article deadline </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can’t miss it up or else i’ll got murdered by Sicheng </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Renjun, did you get a notification from Yangyang?” Shotaro approaches both of the boys after finishing his lunch. Mentioning the other boy’s name, Shotaro covered his own mouth with his hand. “Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Jaemin,” Jaemin successfully calmed the japanese down. Telling him that it was okay, it’s not like he will be dead after hearing Yangyang’s name.</p><p> </p><p>Well, a little.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun nods and tugs his bag around his right shoulder. He glances towards Jaemin before asking, “Do you want to know about his article?”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nods, “Please, do tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>“He was writing for the winter’s buletin. Three languages, German, Korean, and Chinese. The main topic is about how foreign students spend their time in the break if they can’t go back to their country.”</p><p> </p><p>Shotaro adds, “You should read it when it got published! He’s not sleeping for days because Sicheng always revised it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin’s heart fell, he can’t imagine the picture of Yangyang not sleeping for days because of the deadline. Also it’s already exam week, how could he possibly keep all of that on his track?</p><p> </p><p>His two foreigner friends bid him goodbye, they parted ways after walking out together from his department’s canteen. Jaemin walked straight ahead to his place. It’s been awhile since he feels ease while walking home. Once he was so afraid of coming back home, because he thought he might just cry for hours and fall asleep afterwards, forgetting about his study duties to keep up with his academics.</p><p> </p><p>He did cry for hours. It was worth it, small study progresses still counted as progress.</p><p> </p><p>His steps were stopped when he found a bouquet of flowers in front of his door. He took the bouquet to his hand, scanning various colorful flowers in it. Then, he found a hidden card in it. Jaemin walks into his place first and puts the bouquet on the kitchen table, before reading the card.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hi, it’s me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry if what I did it’s crossing our boundaries. I just miss you and maybe a bouquet of flowers can help? I hope so </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anyway, it’s been weeks since the last time I saw you. My pillow smells like you, I cried on it. Yes, I’m sorry, I was such a cry baby </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But I can’t help it. I miss you so much, it hurts </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I was thinking about what I did that made you run away like that. Then, I remember what you said </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You said that we are real </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I trust you and I know you. That’s why I try not to reach you out because you need time, you need space </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe I was flooding your space too much since summer. I’m sorry for that </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can’t help i’m too damn attractive </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Okay, jokes aside. I will wait for you, because i would never be mad at you just because you didn’t come to my soccer match </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You need your time and space, mine too. I’m here, I will always be here, if you need me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If you want to talk about anything </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hope you ace all of your exams, which you will, you’re one of the smartest people i’ve ever met </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thank you for living, thank you for existing </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thank you for showing me what is real affections are </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thank you, Na Jaemin </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Your sheep sheep, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> liu yangyang </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin cries on his bed. He falls asleep afterwards, holding the letter in his hand.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Somehow the flowers from Yangyang give Jaemin strength to ace all of his exams. Well, not aced you can say, at least he felt easy when he walked from the exam room. He put the flowers in one of his tall unused glass, pouring it with water occasionally in late noon. He usually finishes all of his schedule at that time.</p><p> </p><p>One day, he spotted Yangyang when he ran his errands in a grocery store. The boy was with Jeno, talking about something while walking towards the stadium. He noticed maybe both of them were going to do a sparing or something. Judging from their sports bag, hanging on their shoulders, and the jersey they are wearing.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang looked different. It has been a month since the last time they contact each other. The german boy looked a little bit exhausted, but he still managed to laugh at whatever Jeno said. He almost ran into a pole and Jaemin made a screech noise.</p><p> </p><p>He quickly hid somewhere so Yangyang never noticed he was there. Yangyang laughed and he disappeared when he entered the stadium.</p><p> </p><p>Since then, Jaemin thought he would talk to Yangyang someday.</p><p> </p><p>First thing to do is unblock his contact. Jaemin decided to call him after the exam week ended.</p><p> </p><p>( Jaemin taps his feet fast after he pushes the green button on Yangyang's contact information. He's back in his room now, freedom occurs through his veins and he can't wait to rant it all out to  one of the most important people in his world.</p><p> </p><p>If he still let him.</p><p> </p><p><em> No, he won't pick it up. </em> Jaemin looked at the clock that was hanging on his wall, telling him that it was 3pm already. <em> He's maybe somewhere trying to publish his article </em>. He sighs and almost pushes the red button.</p><p> </p><p>Until he heard a sound.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Bunny? </em>"</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Jaemin's voice came out hoarse. "Oh, fuck sorry. I didn't mean to bother you-"</p><p> </p><p>"<em>You never bother me.</em>" He can hear Yangyang shifts on the other side, " <em> sorry I was sleeping earlier. Thank Sicheng for waking me up because he saw you calling.</em>"</p><p> </p><p>That explains raspy voices created by the other. They went silent for a few seconds, hearing each other breathing. It’s been a month and Jaemin doesn’t know what to do. He used to be talkative around Yangyang, making the most ridiculous topic Yanyang ever heard.</p><p> </p><p>But right now, a simple ‘it’s okay’ felt so difficult.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang makes a noise again, “<em>Jaemin, is everything alright? </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin snorts, he’s trying to hold his tears. No, he’s not okay. He was never okay since they drifted apart. He looked like he was okay, which is wrong, and failed to hold his own mask in front of everyone.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You can let it all out to me.</em>” Does Jaemin deserve it? “<em>Come on, Bunny. I’m here, I won’t go anywhere.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Jaemin let down his guard. He cries for straight ten minutes, sobbing and whispering countless sorrys to the boy he was calling. Yangyang doesn’t reply, he lets Jaemin pour all of his emotions in that time. He was making sure Jaemin breathed properly, knowing how this kind of time will make the boy feel exhausted afterwards.</p><p> </p><p>When the sobbing comes to an end. Jaemin snorts again, realizing what he just did.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, i’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It’s fine.</em>” Yangyang chuckles, “<em>I felt honoured honestly. You still trust me.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin takes one of his glass filled with water. Drink it until his throat feels hydrated again.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I took it you read my cheesy letter.</em>” Jaemin chokes on his water, “<em>at first I wanted to give you a video letter but nah, it will be so much worse than a letter.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Does Jaemin think Yangyang is cheesy? And he liked it?</p><p> </p><p>He liked it a lot. He loves it.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t cheesy at all. Honestly, thank you for giving me the flowers and the letter. I know it’s hard with you, keeping up with the exams and your article deadline. I’m sorry for being a burden instead of being the one who keeps you sane through our relationship. Thank you, Liu Yangyang.”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang was in silence on the other side. He didn’t expect to get complimented by Jaemin, because the one who needs it the most is the other boy, not him. Jaemin heard a sound, probably from Sicheng, telling Yangyang to not zoned out while talking with him. Yangyang replied in chinese, but Jaemin guessed he meant to joke around with the older.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I- uh-,</em>” he stutters. “<em>Yeah, you’re welcome. Maybe I already thanked you in that letter. </em> ” Jaemin nods happily, replies with a hums for agreeing with the boy. “<em>You matter so much to me, Jaemin. Don’t ever forget that,</em>” Yangyang adds. “<em>If you still need time to figure out how you felt about me, about us, I will give it all to you. Just tell me, if you want to talk about it. About us.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Will you? Give it all to me?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Of course. I felt we were in a rush somehow.</em>” Jaemin agrees with that, “<em>t</em><em>ake your time. I’m not going anywhere.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>What did Jaemin do in the past to get someone like Yangyang in the present?</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, yeah. Thank you,” he hears Yangyang snickers. “<em>Are you coming to the picnic next week? </em>” Yangyang asks, changing the topic.</p><p> </p><p>Ah, yes. The picnic. From the first year of college, Jaemin and his friends always hold a picnic near the campus main gate. It was usually him, Donghyuck, Jeno, and Renjun. Now, knowing their circle is expanding, maybe this year’s picnic will be more crowded than before.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nods, “Yeah, of course. Donghyuck will shove me to the ground if I don't come.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Typical Donghyuck.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“I know right,” Jaemin let out a small laugh. “How was your article deadline by the way? It should be published this week, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang let out a groan. Jaemin counted that this question haunted the boy enough. “<em>Today should be the last day of revision. Sicheng needs to give me mercy or else I'm going to fly back to Germany tomorrow </em>,” Yangyang answers. Jaemin can hear multiple laughs from where Yangyang at, he guessed maybe it’s either Sicheng or Kunhang,</p><p> </p><p>A smile curves on Jaemin’s lips. “You can do it. I know you can, you’re Liu Yangyang, right?” there’s a tone of encouragement in Jaemin’s question. He always makes sure Yangyang remembers what he was capable of. Mastering three languages is one of the easiest tasks Yangyang has ever taken.</p><p> </p><p>It looks like Yangyang took the hint. Because Jaemin heard a small laugh from where he ate.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yeah, i’m Liu Yangyang. I can do it.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you’re Liu Yangyang.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Your Yangyang.</em>” Suddenly the oxygen was stuck in Jaemin’s throat. Yangyang slaps his own mouth, regretting what he just said. “<em>Fuck, Jaemin. I’m sorry. I know you were stil- </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“My Yangyang.” Jaemin sees him smiling for himself, “I like that.”</p><p> </p><p>A concern question came out from Yangyang’s side, “<em>are you? I’m just making sure that I didn’t push you-</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Sheep, hey.” It’s also been a month since the last time Jaemin used that nickname. It came out natural, like it’s his daily habit. It was, it is, it will always be. “It’s okay. I’m fine, don’t think too much about it, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin maybe can’t see it, but he felt Yangyang nodding. Before they continue their conversation, a loud person has spoken.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Heyyyyy! Jaeminnnn! Yangyang should be revising the last paragraph of his sentences because he used informal speech on his korean part. I know you both miss each other that much but this article needs to be published this weekend, may Lord give Yangyang peace while we hold the picnic next week.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>It was Sicheng. Jaemin hasn't seen or heard the older one since a month ago. Well, their latest proper meeting was the latest picnic event at summer break this year. Jaemin let out a laugh when he heard Yangyang replied with another chinese, he guessed he used curse words because Sicheng replied aggressively.</p><p> </p><p>“Sheep, you need to get back to your revision.” Jaemin finally tries to drag Yangyang back on his duty. Even though he loves their conversation right now, it should be resolved on another time when they have their time for both of them only. “See you later next week?” </p><p> </p><p>He heard a huff, but Yangyang managed to reply. “<em>See you next week, Bunny,</em>” and Yangyang was the one who ended the call. Jaemin let out a sigh, leaning on his wall for a few seconds. A bright smile curving on his lips. )</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang still let him, apparently. The call went smooth and Jaemin can’t stop getting nervous when he’s in line trying to get his coffee before coming to where their picnic was held. He looked at his phone again, re-reading what Dejun just sent him. There’s a few pictures the older one sent to him, Donghyuck rolling around the grass, Yukhei laughs, and Jeno got shoved to the ground by Mark.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> dj </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sent a picture. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sent a picture. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sent a picture. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Help me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can’t handle this alone </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Lol </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m on my way </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Thank God </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He tucked his phone into his pants pocket again, started ordering his coffee afterwards. It only takes a few minutes to get his coffee done and 3 minutes walk to where the campus main gate was located.</p><p> </p><p>“Here is your coffee, Mr. Na. May today be one of your best days!”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you and I hope for that too,” Jaemin smiled and took his coffee.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin sips his coffee with a bag full of bread and different kinds of snacks inside the plastic on his left hand. He was thinking of which food he should bring for the picnic and he decided to bring all of the snacks that he didn't eat while studying for the exam. Also making sure everyone won't get poisoned or something, Jaemin did check the expiry date. All of it is fine, no need to worry.</p><p> </p><p>When Jaemin arrives at the park, he waves at Dejun who's now in charge of hydrating the players with orange juices that he brought. Jaemin can see Yukhei comes back and forth to where Dejun is only to drink the juice before going back to on-going frisbee competition.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwoo was the one who welcomed him first. "Hey, you came. Hope the exams didn't make your mind go crazy," says Jaemin's senior from his major. Jaemin put his plastic full of snacks on the table while shrugging his shoulders. "Nah, I'm through because of it," he replies and Jungwoo whacked his left shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Kunhang was sitting beside Jungwoo when he snorted, "If Jaemin can pass and I survive Physics for two and a half years now, nothing is impossible." Something from what Kunhang said made sense to Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin's eyes shift to the on-going frisbee competition. He's seeing two divided groups. He furrowed his eyebrows when he witnessed Renjun teaming up with Jaehyun. That's an odd combination.</p><p> </p><p>Then there's Yangyang who was busy teasing Jeno. The way Yangyang smiles makes Jaemin smile too.</p><p> </p><p>"I take it both of you solved whatever happened in the past?" Dejun's voice makes Jaemin turn his head towards the older. He answered with a shrug. Dejun seems to understand what Jaemin meant. "Both of you are taking time. That's good, at least there's communication," Dejun adds and he offers Jaemin one cup of orange juice.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin shows his unfinished coffee to the older and Dejun nods, offering to the other guy. His friends who aren't in the frisbee competition lazily roll over on the sheet. Kunhang is busy playing with his Nintendo Switch, Jungwoo and Dejun talk about something, and Jisung is still recovering from his knee injury. Then there's Sicheng, the older's gaze heading directly to where the competition was held.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Jaemin nudges Dejun's shoulder, "what happened with Sicheng?"</p><p> </p><p>Dejun looks over where Sicheng was seated before letting out a sigh. "He's been off lately. That's why he didn't show Yangyang mercy about the article revision," Jungwoo explains to Jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin makes a face, "What was the reason?"</p><p> </p><p>This time, Kunhang was the one who answered. He looks at Jaemin with a little smirk, "Well, you can see the people who're not here."</p><p> </p><p>Connecting the dots was not Jaemin's favorite. He didn't know why Kunhang gave him a puzzle for him to solve.</p><p> </p><p>All he knows is that some people in their group are dating each other. Kunhang and Dejun, magically, are in the same year so they dated. Then there's Yukhei and Jungwoo, where one of them is one year older in the academic year. Then there's Sicheng and Jaehyun.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ah. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Connected the dots already?" Kunhang snickers and Dejun whacks his boyfriend to the ground. "Relax, Kun and Ten aren't here too."</p><p> </p><p>Kunhang stops, "Well in conclusion, all our friends who already graduated aren't here."</p><p> </p><p>Jungwoo smiles at him, "Yuta is so busy with his internship, knowing he got it in the Japan embassy." The older's gaze shifts to where Jaehyun is laughing at whatever Yukhei did. "And Doyoung being Doyoung. Smartest person in our group with the highest paid job."</p><p> </p><p>Kunhang adds, "Busiest time."</p><p> </p><p>"You don't need to give too much information. Focus on your game!" Jungwoo flicks Kunhang's forehead, ignoring the latter groaning in pain. "Anyway, at least they have each other. While working on our final thesis, I felt like I was third wheeling both of them because I'm one year younger."</p><p> </p><p>Before Jaemin can reply, Donghyuck suddenly lays down in front of him. "Hot! Hot! Water, please. I'm exhausted," he pants. Dejun gives him water and he drinks loudly. The other walk back where the sheet was placed, find their own respective seat.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin can see Jaehyun walking towards Sicheng. They talk a little bit and he can see a beaming smile from Sicheng. The next thing he witnesses is Jaehyun put both of his hands under the other's arms only to yank him up. Moving Sicheng's body closer to the group.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey." Jaemin turns his head and finds Yangyang standing beside him, "can I sit here?"</p><p> </p><p>He just realized that Yangyang is wearing his iconic black headband. Jaemin nods, scooting to the other side so there's a space for Yangyang to sit. Yangyang mutters a thank you before talking to Dejun, wanting orange juice. Jaemin can only stay silent, looking at how they act, none of their call conversation ever happened.</p><p> </p><p>They talk about the upcoming winter break, which is tomorrow. All the foreigners are coming back to their country. Yukhei seems excited but he's sad because he will leave Jungwoo alone. The only one who stays silent is Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>"You joked about flying back to Germany last week," Jaemin says to Yangyang, trying to find a topic to talk about. Because no way their campus will hold an open field winter soccer match.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I will go back to Germany but not in the first week," Yangyang replies. Jaemin asked him why and Yangyang answered with a question, "You will have your annual speed skating match later next week, right?"</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nods, he almost forgot about that. Then it clicks so fast.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang beams him a big smile. For the rest of the day, Jaemin can only think about that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was Dejun who convinced him to invite Yangyang to sleepover in his house on the first week of the winter break. Jaemin needs his friends' improvements to make sure this was a good idea.</p><p> </p><p>"At least you promise to yourself both of you need to talk first before having a good christmas sex," Jeno said when he came over to his place. Surprisingly, Donghyuck agreed with Jeno.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin choked on his water before pushing Jeno to the ground. How in the world does he have so many dirty minded friends?</p><p> </p><p>In the end, Jaemin did invite Yangyang to sleepover. Even with the fact Dejun will stay in Seoul longer than Yangyang and Kun still doesn’t get his winter holiday yet, Jaemin still offers the stay to Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>“Use the privilege of the holiday to talk about your relationship.” Dejun told him when they had a phone call one night, Jaemin was bored and he decided to call the older. Eventually Dejun was free and told Jaemin he had a little argument with Kunhang. Knowing Kunhang will fly back to Macau earlier this weekend and he can’t make it to Jaemin’s winter match.</p><p> </p><p>All of that offering and improvements lead Jaemin to this day. Snowflakes are falling on his beanie while he looks at the latest message Yangyang gave.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> sheep sheep </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What time again your dad will come pick you up? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry Kun is pushing me to reorganized my clothes </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They were already organized! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sent a picture. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 4 pm </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And no sheep </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They are not </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Are they? :( </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> They are </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Should I bring a sleeping bag? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You only have one bed right? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You will sleep with me </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Okay </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Is that fine? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Are you fine with it? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sheep </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of course it’s fine </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My dad is already downstair </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Come to my place right now </em>
</p><p>
  <em> !!! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Okay okay </em>
</p><p>
  <em> See you there bunny </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“So, Jaemin,” Jaemin tucks his phone back into his pants and turns his gaze towards Mr. Na. “Want to get some snacks while waiting for your friend? I think I need a coffee.” Hearing what his dad just said, Jaemin nods his head. He told Yangyang that they would be at the nearby coffee shop, Yangyang knew what place he meant.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Na is not that kind of person who seems friendly to a stranger. That’s why Jaemin felt nervous to have a few moments before witnessing the interaction between his dad and Yangyang. Jaemin is really sure that his mother told his dad a few things about Yangyang. Especially the special nickname she gave to the boy, ‘Little Sheep.’</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang came 10 minutes after Jaemin got his coffee. He wears a light brown coat, black sweater, and jeans. Don’t forget his brown beanie and black converse, sometimes Yangyang uses this kind of attire when he visits Jaemin’s place. There’s a picture of Jaemin wearing Yangyang’s beanie on his memory wall. But, Yangyang doesn’t need to know that.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin feels like his world is colliding when Mr. Na shakes hands with Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you, sir.” Yangyang grips Mr. Na’s hand like his life depends on it, “My name is-”</p><p> </p><p>“Liu Yangyang. The Little Sheep, right?” Mr. Na beams him a smile and pat Yangyang’s shoulder for comfort, “My wife already told me about you. That fact irritated me a little because I didn’t hear it from my own son.” Jaemin rolls his eyes towards his dad and turns his head to Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>He mutters an, ‘are you okay?’ to the boy and Yangyang replies with a nod. Their telepathy conversation was cut off by his dad who bought Yangyang a hot chocolate. </p><p> </p><p>Before Yangyang could refuse the offer, Mr. Na insisted and made Yangyang grips the warm cup. “Let’s just say this is a ‘thank you’ from me for keeping my son towards his college days,” says Mr. Na before announcing they will go home now. Jaemin’s cheek turns red but Yangyang was redder. He tugs Yangyang’s hand and they walk towards where the car was parked.</p><p> </p><p>The car drive to Jaemin’s house took around 30 minutes. When they arrived, both of the boys help themselves by bringing their own suitcases while Mr. Na brings out the groceries his wife requested before. Something about a ‘grand welcome dinner’ Jaemin’s mother planned that made her only son feel embarrassed. He really made sure to Yangyang that his mother never acted like this before.</p><p> </p><p>“Because you bring the best out of my son!” Mrs. Na tried to explain why she planned all of this in the first place. She gave Yangyang a boned-crush hug, cradled the boy’s face with her hands, “Look at you! You are more handsome than the pictures in Nana’s memory wall!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mother!”</p><p> </p><p>“There are pictures of him in his room?” Mr. Na twitches his eyebrows after putting all of the groceries plastics in the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p><em> Okay, that’s it. </em>He bids both of his parents an excuse about wanting to show Yangyang his room, so he tugs the boy with him along with their suitcases. Forget about the several thuds sounds they produced when walking through the stairs. Who gave the Na family the idea to get a two-floors house while they were only three members of the family?</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang holds Jaemin’s hand so tight while he snickers after witnessing the bickering between the family members. “Your parents are cool, it makes me miss mine more,” Yangyang says before they finally stand in front of where Jaemin’s room is.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin let out a huff, trying to open his room with the key his dad gave. “You really need to get used to it because days after today, it will get more chaotic,” he says and successfully opens the door. Yangyang wanted to reply to what Jaemin said, but his mouth immediately shut because of the sight of Jaemin’s room. Jaemin just realized the silence from Yangyang and waved his hand in front of the boy’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Sheep?”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang unfazed, “Oh, yeah. Sorry. I just-” he points to Jaemin’s room, “your room is full of medals.” Jaemin shifts his gaze towards his room and lets out a single ‘ah’. He does always forget that he’s an athlete. After everything happened this past month, he really can’t get his head on his own game.</p><p> </p><p>So, Jaemin nods, agreeing with what Yangyang said. Both of them walk into the room, Yangyang can’t stop scanning all the things that are placed inside. The little details that really describe Jaemin such as how the boy organized his things. Yangyang found another memory wall on the wall when he put his suitcase near Jaemin’s shelf.</p><p> </p><p>The memory wall is not as well decorated as the one in Jaemin’s place near campus, but he knows the meaning of it. Most of the pictures were taken when Jaemin was still in highschool. Because of the amount of Jeno and Donghyuck in each of the pictures. Yangyang smiled a little when he saw these pictures.</p><p> </p><p>There is one picture of highschooler Jaemin, smiling towards the camera. Yangyang caresses the photo with his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no. Not that picture,” Jaemin groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? It’s cute. Can I have it?” Yangyang snickers. Jaemin throws one of his pillows to Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>He laughs it off before throwing it back to Jaemin. “So, where will I be sleeping?” he asks while looking at the bed which Jaemin finished organizing. Jaemin put both of his hands on his waist, thinking which side he will choose. “I’m going to take the left side, you on the right. How does that sound?” He turns his head to Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>The gummy smile that Jaemin always loves appears.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds good.” Yangyang launches himself to the bed, getting himself comfortable with the pillows. He lean his head towards the wall, looking at Jaemin who’s still standing. “Are you going somewhere after this? Your mother said she will prepare the dinner while you show me your room,” Yangyang said.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh yeah, about that. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin was fidgeting his fingers when he answered Yangyang's question. "No, I'm not going anywhere." Yangyang can sense Jaemin's nervousness, so he straightens up his figure. "Actually I want to talk with you, about us," Jaemin finally says, glancing straight to Yangyang's eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang feels stupid because he's too comfy on Jaemin's bed. "Oh yeah, sure," he scoots over so Jaemin can sit on his respective side, "I'm sorry. I'm too excited with all of this sleepover thing." Jaemin hates the guilty expression across the other’s face. He already said countless times that all of this is not Yangyang’s fault, it’s his from the start.</p><p> </p><p>Inhaling another oxygen through his lungs, Jaemin tries to arrange all of his sentences or else he will screw up this again. And no, no he won’t screw this beautiful thing he ever had.</p><p> </p><p>“As you know, my parents know about you. At least I told my mother, I don’t know that my father knew about that too. It was embarrassing.” Yangyang reacts with a small chuckle before letting Jaemin continue. “And my mother had kicked some sense to me to man up and resolve whatever we’ve been through these past weeks.” Then suddenly Jaemin can’t breath, the words are hanging inside his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>The fear of rejection hit him instantly. What if Yangyang says no when he wants to take both of them to a proper way? After all he’s done? Logically, Jaemin couldn’t be trusted again. Not after he bailed their relationship like a coward. Yangyang will say no, right?</p><p> </p><p>Then Jaemin felt something covering both of his hands. Yangyang is holding him soothingly, caressing his knuckles that he doesn’t realize turns white.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang said, “I trust you, Jaemin. All the stunts you’ve pulled, I understand all of it. Yes, you made several mistakes with one of them and didn't talk to me first. But, it’s okay. You need your space and I want to thank you because you decided to talk about it now with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I- uh-”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Yangyang cut him off. Jaemin did want to do this properly, he did want to ask that question first to him.</p><p> </p><p>The silence between both of them make Yangyang freaked out. “Oh fuck. Did I read the situation wrong? You didn’t want to-”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You know what, fuck it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin crashes his lips with Yangyang. The nostalgia suddenly runs through his veins, judged by the way Yangyang moves his lips with him. It’s been a month since the last time Jaemin kisses the boy. He doesn’t realize how much he misses this part.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang put both of his hands on Jaemin’s waist, caressing the skin below the sweater. While Jaemin moves his body to sit on Yangyang’s lap, deepening their kisses. Jaemin gave in whatever the next thing Yangyang will choose, because he wants this to keep living. He gasped when a pair of hands suddenly kneading the back of his arse.</p><p> </p><p>“Yangyang,” Jaemin moaned.</p><p> </p><p>The boy, whose name was just moaned, chuckles. “You need to stay quiet baby,” says him while kissing the line of Jaemin’s jaw.</p><p> </p><p>The temperature in Jaemin’s room is rising. It’s freaking winter and he feels so hot. Does every person feel this when they had the best make out session? Man, maybe this is one of the reasons his friends are all dirty minded.</p><p> </p><p>Their kiss slowed, taking their own respective time to move their lips along with the rhythm they produced on the spot. Yangyang drinks all of the gasps and moans while Jaemin just gives in.</p><p> </p><p>He gave all of his to the boy beneath him.</p><p> </p><p>When they finally part, Jaemin can feel the fireworks again from inside his stomach. He has never felt this kind of fireworks since the first day he met Yangyang. And now, he felt it again when he finally embraced the boy that he had always been in love since that day. Yeah, he’s in love with Liu Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Jaemin finally said.</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang beams him a smile and Jaemin makes a mental promise that he would never do anything to break that smile. “I love you too,” Yangyang replied and kissed him again. This time, they are taking their time. Just a slow kiss full of adoration, full of relief because they finally found each other.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing they do is cuddling. Yangyang just wraps his right hand around Jaemin’s shoulder while the other tugs Yangyang’s body close to him. The room is finally warm again, because Jaemin turned on the heater and they decided to not do the make out again. The kiss was unforgettable, but they are in Jaemin’s house and his parents are downstairs.</p><p> </p><p>Leaving hickeys around Na’s only son wasn’t Yangyang's first intention when he met them for the first time.</p><p> </p><p>“We can do it next time, probably in my place.” Yangyang glanced to see Jaemin who’s now hiding his face on his body. He chuckles and puts his fingers through the threads of Jaemin’s hair. “Next time then,” Yangyang replies.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin looked at the other with a smile before kissing him on the lips again. If Jaemin can dramatize a situation, this feels like coming home.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to take it slow. You and I,” Yangyang says against his boyfriend’s lips when they parted. “Talk to me when everything feels wrong, about everything. No more running away, you have me and it always been.”</p><p> </p><p>The serious tone that Yangyang delivered on each word made Jaemin shiver. He knows they will be different from now. The exclusiveness, the shifts of their personalities, everything. But they will make it through together, like they always have since the start.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, they will be another fuck-ups upcoming. Prepare for the worst, that’s the key.</p><p> </p><p>So, Jaemin nods, understanding the reason why Yangyang said that in the first place. “As long as I have you in front of me, everything will be fine,” Jaemin said. The gummy smile appeared again when Yangyang reacted to what Jaemin said. Later after that, Jaemin suggested both of them to change clothes because dinner time is approaching.</p><p> </p><p>When they walk towards the kitchen with holding hands, the parents give them a huge smile. Mr. Na even pat Yangyang on the shoulder, whispering something that Jaemin will force Yangyang to tell him about it.</p><p> </p><p>The dinner went well, Jaemin also declared that Yangyang is his boyfriend to his parents. Which made his mother sigh in relief. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know how miserable he was when two of you were apart.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mother!”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang talked about Germany, his winter plan, next semester, all of it. Jaemin is just doing his job, looking at the boy with full of adoration. His mother needed to slap him on the arm because his food is getting colder. He also witnessed the way his father treated Yangyang like his own son, maybe because of their similar likeness towards cars.</p><p> </p><p>At night, Yangyang holds Jaemin so close. For the first time in forever, Jaemin sleeps in peace.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Their friends found out a day after that. As we know, before Yangyang became the new person that Jaemin's father loved, there was Lee Jeno.</p><p> </p><p>( "YOU BOTH DID NOT JUST KISS AND MAKE UP WHILE YOUR PARENTS ARE  DOWNSTAIRS." Jeno was pacing in Jaemin's room while the couple just sat on the bed, looking at their stressed friend.</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck gave them thumbs up, saying that finally Jaemin did put all of his shits together. Renjun hugged both of them, made his own time to threaten Yangyang if he ever did something bad to Jaemin, he would kill him on his own.</p><p> </p><p>Shotaro was the most chill between their same year friends, but the way he congratulated both of them left a big impression. "Actually I can't stand the sexual tension between both of you since summer but oh well, you both got a happy ending!" Shotaro said with a big grin from ear to ear.</p><p> </p><p>Dejun screamed on top of his lungs when he heard the news. The older confessed that he already reached the level where he wanted to organize their wedding.</p><p> </p><p>"Jaemyang! How did that sound?" Asks Dejun when the three of them had a video call.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin looked at Yangyang and the other just shrugged his shoulders, "Not bad. But I'm the dom though." He got whacked by Jaemin on the spot.</p><p> </p><p>Ten also sent them a bouquet of flowers for a prank gift, honestly. Because they were just figuring out about their relationship, not Yangyang proposed to Jaemin or other things that were so sacred. But the older insisted to give them the gift because he also got tired of their stupid yet insufferable interaction. Kun apologized and he agreed with Ten.</p><p> </p><p>Kunhang, Yukhei, and Mark also sent a congratulation message even though they were at their hometown now. Saying they were sorry because they won't make it to Jaemin's match.</p><p> </p><p>Their friends were really out of the boxes. But hey, they are the best. )</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang has been driving Jaemin to his practices since he lives in his house for now. Sometimes he brings along his friends, especially Dejun because the older was left lonely in their place.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin forgot the nervousness before the match. If he can be honest, he almost forgot all the things he should do while skating.</p><p> </p><p>His gaze turns towards where his friends are. His parents trust Yangyang enough to keep him sane.</p><p> </p><p>Well, that worked though in some way. But Jaemin still can feel the nerves through his veins, his head is dizzy when he hears the clinks against blades and ice.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Yangyang's voice snaps Jaemin to the reality. The boy smiles at him while carrying Jaemin's campus varsity, "you okay there?"</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin wanted to say he was okay, but his reaction did not sync with what he wanted to say. Because his lips were sealed thin and knuckles had already turned white.</p><p> </p><p>His breathing can be heard by Yangyang. "Can I win though? What if I can't? My head is all over the place and I can't put all my shits together," Jaemin says without stopping to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>Both of his hands were shaking, his sights were blurring. He can't be like this right now, today is one of his big days. His face is now looking directly into Yangyang's eyes. The boy is instructing him to follow his breathing.</p><p> </p><p>"Na, breathe in, breathe out. Come on, follow me."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Breathe in, breathe out. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"That's good, that's my bunny. Again, baby. Breathe in, breathe out. Today shouldn't be the best for you, but make today better than yesterday. Nothing should be completed in one day. Trust the process, you will make it there, but maybe not today. Don't think about it too much, okay?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Okay, yeah. That makes sense. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"After this, we will go together with our friends. Make good memories with them. That sounds great, yeah?"</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin nods, "That's great. Yeah. We will." Yangyang gives him a smile before hugging the man of his dream. Both of Jaemin’s hands wrap around his lover’s body, inhaling the scent of new perfume that Yangyang bought yesterday when they went to a nearby mall. It feels like home, because it’s his.</p><p> </p><p>Because it’s always been Liu Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>The announcement for the players to gather around echoes, making both of the boys should tear apart their hug. Yangyang peck Jaemin’s lips once, twice, before Jaemin’s name got called.</p><p> </p><p>“I should go.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should go.” Yangyang squeezes his boyfriend’s right hand, “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin smiles, “I love you too.” He kisses Yangyang on the cheek before sprinting towards where the players should be at. Jaemin tightens his gears, that includes his knee pads, shin pads, and his gloves. Most of his opponents are his teammates when he did some matches with other campuses, but today it's against other departments.</p><p> </p><p>Then the players line up to enter the ice rink. Jaemin balances himself when he enters the rink, skating towards the place he is supposed to be. Jaemin was still carrying his helmet when heard his department’s chanting. Jungwoo’s voice can be heard in the entire rink because of the older’s high pitch.</p><p> </p><p>He can see all of his friends, cheering him up from the bleachers. Jeno even made a special huge poster with ‘SPEED SKATER NA JAEMIN BEST BOY’ written on it. Jaehyun and Johnny hold it for the rest because they are currently the tall people among their circle. Excluding Sungchan, he’s new with all of this.</p><p> </p><p>The announcer is announcing the match that will go on. Jaemin will do a 1000m short track with 6 skaters (including him) and 8 laps to finish the match. Next announcement is introducing the skaters. Each skater got chanted by their own departments and when it came Jaemin’s turn.</p><p> </p><p>“Mechanical Engineering, Na Jaemin!”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin waves his hands to the crowd and it goes nuts.</p><p> </p><p>“JAEEEEMIIIIINNNNNNNN!”</p><p> </p><p>“NANAAAAAAAAA!!”</p><p> </p><p>“NANA YOU WILL WIN THIS!!”</p><p> </p><p>“WE WILL BE RIGHT HERE NANAAAAA!!”</p><p> </p><p>“WE LOVE YOUUUUU!!”</p><p> </p><p>Most of it is from his same year friends. Yeah, that includes his boyfriend. After getting his name introduced, Jaemin immediately wears his helmet and stands side by side with his other opponents. He put his blade on the spot where he posed ready and when the match started, he flew.</p><p> </p><p>For the rest of the game, Jaemin feels like he’s in the sky. He feels like he’s flying towards something he should grab. Every curve of the rink he passed, every hand on the ice he touches, it feels magical. Jaemin even thinks about Elsa, maybe he can be one like her.</p><p> </p><p>Be one with the ice, except he has blades not powers.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin tries so hard to move his blades faster than the others while not pushing and causing something he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to fall, not now. Not on the ice he always loves. Not in front of everyone.</p><p> </p><p>So, he made a swift turn on his third lap and pushed his body further to just move to the first spot.</p><p> </p><p>The last three laps really did make him exhausted. But he will give it everything he got. For his department, for his parents, for his friends.</p><p> </p><p>For Yangyang.</p><p> </p><p>When he made it as the winner after the last lap, he cried. He sees Yangyang on the edge of the rink and he skates towards him. Hugging his boyfriend tightly and sobs on his shoulder. Yangyang whispers countless calming words to him like a mantra, saying that he did good again and again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, God. I still know how to skate so fast,” Jaemin says when he tries to control his breathing. He kisses Yangyang passionately, cradles his boyfriend’s face with both of his hands. Then he skates towards his department’s bleachers, bowing to them and saying thank yous with the biggest grin he ever made. Jaemin also hugged all of his opponents, saying to them that they were already good.</p><p> </p><p>All of them acknowledge his talent in skating. Jaemin reacts with a ‘bleh’ sound and promises them to buy them food when they practice later.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin felt what Yangyang felt when he walked out from the ice rink. He was carried by Johnny and Donghyuck again led the chanting. It was so embarrassing, but he likes it. He misses this atmosphere so much.</p><p> </p><p>The group are preparing to drive back to Jaemin’s house. Preparing the proper winning party, minus alcohol because Jaemin doesn’t drink and his parents will supervise the event.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you guys give us a minute?” Yangyang suddenly asks, his hand is still holding Jaemin’s hand. Jeno glances towards his friends and nods. “We will wait in the car,” Donghyuck replies with a thumbs up, before turning back and putting his right hand around Renjun’s shoulder. Something is odd, Jaemin thinks.</p><p> </p><p>When they were finally alone, Jaemin asked a question, “You’re not going to break up with me, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang made a face, “What? No. I want to ask you if you want to come with me to Düsseldorf next week.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, Jaemin was the one who made a face. Yangyang waits for the answer while tightening his lips into thin line. The boy let out a huff, “Yeah, that was a stupid offer actually. I know Dejun always suggested a bad idea, right? First, he told you to- woah!” Jaemin shuts him up with a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Their kiss was slow, there’s no time for lust this time. It’s just full of relief and that butterfly mixes with fireworks inside their stomach.</p><p> </p><p>When they part their kiss, Jaemin grins widely. “Do my parents know about your plan?” he asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I plan to talk about it when we get there,” Yangyang replies. Jaemin laughs and he kisses his boyfriend again. He nods while looking at Yangyang’s dark brown eyes. “Yeah, I will go with you. You won’t get rid of me that easily even though it’s winter holiday.”</p><p> </p><p>Yangyang reacts with a grin, “Like your ass got dragged in summer.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shut up, we don’t talk about that day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you were amazed by me that day!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Liu.”</p><p> </p><p>“You love me, Na.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin chuckles and nods, “Yes. I love you.” Then they kissed again, in a parking lot.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kudos and comments are appreciated. thank you for reading and maybe see you in the next story in this universe!</p><p>twitter: mrbovven<br/>tumblr: rickyscurls</p></blockquote></div></div>
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